I like to be slapped around, yelled at, controlled and appreciate the jealous boyfriend who doesn't let me have any friends and who has 37+ "girlfriends" himself. I would love it if you don't have a job, a car, 10th grade or lower education, hate dogs and kids and never work out. Gym membership?? no thanks. Do you eat pizza every day? Perfect as long as it's Digiorno . Do you ever find yourself accidentally watching "Portlandia" and feel like it is completely over your head? That would be ideal. Do you like to take pictures of yourself in the mirror with your shirt off or your wife beater because you think I will be attracted to it? Please, tell me more about you...you are obviously one who is a deep thinker, passionate about life and all it has to offer and I would like to get to know more about you. Do you consider yourself a "laid back guy" who is "drama free?" Your unique qualities send me into a tail spin every time I read that. Will you promise to hang out outside my house and watch my every move? Will you please show up on date one clearly 2-4 inches shorter than your profile on here says you are? Will you actually be 43 even though your profile says 37 (or even younger) and make up a really great reason for how it happened? Will you blow me off after a first date by using your passive aggressive way of approaching life, never call and/or return text?Better yet, will you promise to break up with me by text message? OMG. You might be the guy for me.
PAUSE - If you have read thus far and find yourself identifying with one, some or all of the things listed above. Please stop reading. I am not for you.
If you are laughing... or smiling...or in some way get it, keep reading.
A little about me: So I am a single mom. It's the reason I am certain most guys that I have been on one or more dates with don't continue to date me, and honestly...if it's a problem for you, please stop reading now and don't message me. I prefer to weed out the jokers who already know they don't want that in their lives. If it is something you are open to, at one point down the road if things workout, when we are both ready you would be able to meet my son, who is 7 and the coolest kid on the planet. He was the one who actually told me I should give online dating a try, and says he is looking forward to me having a boyfriend at some point. As we speak he is making new Lego minifigures by painting over the old ones. He is one cool dude, and whoever is lucky enough to have us in their life has to be pretty awesome. My son has a dad, but he lives far away in the country they call Texas. He visits his dad a couple times a year. There. The elephant in the room has been addressed...now we can move on to other subjects.
FITNESS!!! This is a good one. So, last year I discovered and fell in love with the sport of Crossfit. It has been the most amazing journey, to see myself physically and emotionally get stronger. I love Oly lifts now, and am working on walking on my hands and conquering muscle ups this year. If you are into Crossfit, you get huge cool points, but that is not all I am looking for...but it would definitely be a bonus if the guy I was in a relationship was my WOD partner. Don't know what Crossfit is but love fitness?? Look it up... there are some pretty good videos out there that will show you what it is about. That being said, if you don't do Crossfit or never want to try it, I wouldn't hold it against you...it's just something that in an ideal world would be really nice. If you don't workout though... like NEVER, don't do ANY sort of sports, then this probably isn't going to work out, so we should just end it here. If you send me a message saying "I don't do crossfit but I have an LA Fitness membership," my response is going to be "good for you and good luck with that." I think I might have gotten 30+ messages like this in the past (is it the same guy?? Weird...) and all the pictures tell me that while the guy may have a membership, he never uses it. Also along the lines of fitness, I eat really healthy... Low carbs, and when I do have carbs they are low glycemic carbs, I eat lots of protein typically chicken/turkey/eggs/protein shakes and red meat on occasion. I eat lots of veggies, fruits and almonds and have a thing for Maranatha peanut butter. I love going out to eat as well, but I like to limit that.
Some other useful things you should know about me:
I have a dog, she is a lap dog and incredibly cuddly and a little bit of a slut. lol
I love karaoke.
I love to dance.
I like PDA but I think the whole sloppy making out thing in public is kinda gross.
My mom wanted to name me Helga, but my dad said no. Thank God.
I like paperclips.
I am a full time student studying Health Psychology
I don't do Yoga as much as I would like to.
I have an amazing and inspiring group of girlfriends.
I have watched the movie "Officespace" about 47 times give or take 13 or so.
Favorite radio stations: KUOW and 89.5 followed by KissFM
I love to read.
I sing really loud and dance in my car. Yep. I am THAT girl.
Traveling is something that I will never not do. I try to go somewhere new every year...
I am the humblest person I know. Seriously.
I believe in gratitude and living in the present.
I have a huge respect for integrity. That being said, please don't lie on here. It's dumb.
I do charitable work whenever possible. Currently the team captain for my team that will be doing the Big Climb.
Who I am looking for: It's difficult for me to describe the guy that I am looking for because it is more of a feeling I am looking for than anything else. Fitness is important to me and so is overall wellness. If these are priorities in your life that is a really good thing. My hope is to be with someone who isn't afraid of expressing his feelings, is organized, has his stuff together, is aware of himself on an emotional level and has an idea of where he wants to go with his life. He is kind, great with kids, and ready to take on the journey called life with someone else. We can stay up having late night conversations about politics, religion, education, and philosophy, and at the same time is light enough to have fun and laugh until we pee...a little.
This guy has no problem introducing me to his friends and family and does little things to show me he is thinking of me. He holds me in times of sadness and lets me cry (my mascara will smear all over your shirt, but don't worry, it will wash out.) He encourages me to keep going to meet my goals and gives thoughtful advice when I ask for it. He can put on the spare tire if needed, plan surprise trips for us, and probably most importantly, show my son how a man should treat his lady.
LET'S TALK ABOUT STYLE:
Do you where saggy pants? Do you think walking around in a wife beater is cool? Do you get your jeans at Old Navy or Target? Are your favorite pair of dress shoes "Sketchers?" Probably not for me. Without being judgey I really feel like I need to say this. While I am not what you would or could consider a "diva" as far as my wardrobe goes, I think how we present ourselves to the world reflects how we feel about ourselves and what we want others to think about us. That being said, the "slob" look doesn't appeal to me, nor does the "redneck" look. My hope is that you have your own sense of style, your clothes fit, and you have nice shoes. Guys are lucky in that they only really need a few basic pairs of shoes. 1 pair for casual, 1 pair for crossfit (hehehe), 1 black pair of dress shoes, and 1 random color dress shoe like a grey, taupe, camel, or something...and a pair of flip flops. See how easy that is for guys?? Now if you have more than that, cool. I am just saying... it matters how you take care of yourself. Hair: if you put a hand full of gel in your hair and or like to spike your hair you are living about a decade in the past. Just sayin.
