Love Goggles & Drunk Goggles

Everyone puts these on at some point in their life. Love Goggles can affect us in so many ways, mostly negatively when we lose site of reality.

The fact is that the first couple months of a relationship, if there are many factors that keep us interested in a person, we tend to put on our Love Goggles, and ONLY see the good...not the bad. We ignore red flags that without the goggles we would normally see. Some might say the Love Goggles affects our ability to determine whether someone is physically attractive, but through my experience and the experience of my friends, it seems everyone at some point puts on these Love Goggles, and will intentionally ignore factors that should obviously lead to a relationship's demise. The outsider friend (me) asks the Love Goggle stricken friend (Nameless Guy Friend)

Me: "Dude! What's wrong with you? You don't realize that this chick treats you like shit, has a heightened sense of self-entitlement and is quite possibly crazy?"

Nameless Guy Friend: "No....she isn't that bad...She's really nice and totally into me. It doesn't matter that I delivered 2 dozen rozes to her work for her birthday and she didn't call me to let me know they arrived. AND it doesn't matter that she ignored me at her birthday party...She is gorgeous....and we have amazing chemistry and connection, plus, she gives great head."

Wow...this guy might normally not date someone who treats him like garbage, but this girl does and he for sure had his Love Goggles on, he is completely infatuated.

Luckily for "Nameless Guy Friend," he had friends like me and my other best girl friend who helped him see the light.

Love Goggles are different then the commonly misdiagnosed "Drunk Goggles." Drunk Goggles are the opposite of Love Goggles...

Imagine you have had 5 glasses too many to drink, and you see that pretty girl standing over by the bar grabbing a drink....wait...two. Man she is cool...she can handle her alcohol! She looks good...long hair, on her head and... wait.... Is that hair on her ears? NAW!! Can't be... She's got a great ass, and a nice set of watermelons that light up her face. Yeah...I'm going to talk to her...

By the end of the night you have grinded on her, bought her a few drinks as well as a couple for yourself, and while you are pretty tipsy, you are content with the fact that although you haven't had a real conversation (Drunk Speak does NOT count as conversation) you are quite certain, that this girl is S-E-X-Y! She can dance too! You get her number, and ask to take her out sometime. She says yes immediately, and by the time it's last call, you and her are grabbing a cab together and going back to her place. The rest of this imaginary story, I will let you fill in.

In the morning you wake up...hungover....ugh. Headache is pounding...and your stomach is turning with the bubbly guts. You look over at your prize from last night....Wait...that WAS hair coming out of her ears...and does she have a mustache? That curvy ass and great rack that you thought you saw last night...not so much. Now its obvious you made a huge mistake. She is clinging your arm with an ever hopeful smiley look on her face.

Ah yes...that was Drunk Goggles.

Beware of both Love Goggles and Drunk Goggles, as they can both do you harm. Remember when you get into a relationship that the first three months are the "getting to know you phase." Usually, after three months, the real persona surfaces. As long as you have kept yourself grounded, and kept the Love Goggles off, you will be able to identify whether the real persona is someone that you are actually interested in, or not. As for Drunk Goggles...well the example above speaks for itself...

BTW: Love Goggles and Drunk Goggles apply to both guys and girls...

Things that women think are really annoying that men do...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUKURA!!!

So maybe I am overgeneralizing in the title...maybe some women DO like these annoying come on's. It should be noted that there were four of us ladies out last night, and all four of us were unanimous on the lessons mentioned below.

Shukura's birthday...wow! Of the four of us girls, she is not the oldest, but this year was big for her (as it was when I turned 29.) The last year of our 20's...and things seem to really change once you hit 30. I like to think it will change for the better, but you will just have to subscribe to my blog to see how things turn out.

Shukura wanted a night out with the girls...Katara came in from Phoenix, and Betty and myself arranged for sitters and we were determined to have a fun Saturday night in Seattle...girls only. We started with dinner, and then made our way down to Belltown after chatting in the hotel room for a bit. I love these talks, and at this point in my life, I find it hard to break away from these moments. These are the moments I cherish...4 girls together and we can talk about anything and everything: boys, kids, life, jobs, love, family, old times, funny memories. I have been friends with Shukura and Katara for about 15 years, so half of my life. In this time of growing we have consistently had these types of conversations, and these are what I love about my girlfriends and will never ever get from any other type of relationship.

On to the night out and the annoying things guys do... (I know that is what you are really interested in.)

So we ended up at this Bar/Lounge called Twist. It had a really cool atmosphere, decent drinks while over priced they were huge portions, so probably worth it. We grabbed ourselves a table for the four of us, with a view of the viaduct and a huge mirror covered pig. The crowd was a good mixture of people...most probably in our same age range. We started talking about how guys approach women when you get older... when we were younger I think we were less picky, and something simple sufficed to open the door for conversation. Maybe our standards were lower, I know mine were...lol. But here we are, the four of us: 32, 29, 29 and 28. How will guys approach us?

1st guy. He looks decent....dressed to impress without being too flashy or reminding me of a juiced up Jersey boy. Hair is well groomed and over all looks wise he gets a 6. Problem was, when he walked by, after giving me a double take his look turns into a psycho "I-might-rape-you-when-you-leave" type look... YIKES!! I immediately looked away and searched for a window to look at... ahh!! That's better...water, ok. Now I am at peace.

Lesson for guys reading: DON'T give girls this look...unless you are in fact planning on raping them...and then they know exactly WHO to stay away from.

2nd guy. First thing I notice is this guy is short. We might all wear high heals, but we were sitting, and he was still shorter than me. He seemed nice enough....but comes up to the table saying..."Is it someone's birthday?" He looked very eager...like he was going to pounce on whomever announced that it was their birthday. None of us answered, we all just kind of looked at the guy...Then, because I was the closest to him...he asked me "Are you celebrating your birthday?" I responded with "I usually celebrate everyone's birthday." Then he asked me when my birthday was...I couldn't help but laugh...not that it was super funny, but it reminded me of those "What's your sign?" come on's that I think I saw in a TV show in the early 90's. Was it Thirty Something? Is this what we are to look forward to? The guy got the hint, and left. I wasn't trying to be rude, its just I think his approach was incredibly weak. A few minutes later his friend came up to us and told us it was the guy's birthday and asked if he had mentioned that to us. I said no, and said "Had he opened with that, we might have been nicer..." He just seemed so probing in his approach.
Lesson for guys reading: Girls don't like to be probed.

At this point I saw a guy I met almost a year ago in a bar in Fremont, James. He was there with some of the same friends I met him with originally. Back when I met him, one of his friends had thrown a quarter towards their really drunk friend Courtney...this quarter missed and instead hit me in the head. I still have this quarter as a reminder of those crazy weird silly moments that happen and are completely laughable. It's good to remember those moments when you start taking life too seriously. It was nice to see James again, and learn that he wasn't as much of an ass hole than what I originally had pegged him to be.

3rd guy. This guy was a total creeper... He came up to me with his not so adorable accent. (Some accents are totally hot, some are needless to say...NOT!) He took my hand and caressed it...(EW!!) Then said "Let's dance." "Um....no." was my response...First of all, there was no dance floor. Second, the music is turned down in this place so that people can talk and enjoy themselves. Third, I don't know you and you look like a creeper so no I won't dance with you. Gross....I quickly went to the rest room to wash my hands.
Lesson for guys reading this: Don't grab a girls hand and rub it unless you are clearly invited to do so...and don't ask a girl to dance if there is no music.

4th guy plus friend. These guys were ballsy...and in all actuality they get honorable mention for being the "those funny guys" we met. One even had the courage to give us his name (I doubt he figured he would make it into my blog...lol.) Tyler Schrink. The name is funny in and of itself. He even referenced a "shrunken package" so that I might remember his name. The reason these guys made me laugh so hard was their approach was ballsy a little bit inappropriate but the delivery was good. "How can we penetrate this table?" Was the question Friend of Tyler asked...WOW! I was shocked, in a "Chelsey Handler-Just-Made-a-Good-Joke" sort of fashion. We know how it looks here, there are four of us girls, dolled up sitting at a table enjoying our conversations about anything and everything. It must be hard as a guy or guys to come up with something to break the invisible force field that surrounds us. This force field exists for a reason and makes it easy for us to turn down weak approaches because they lack creativity and character. When a guy makes me laugh my not-so-quiet burst of laughter, he at least disabled the force field for a short amount of time. Here is the conversation that followed...in drunk speak:

Tyler: "You should find me on Facebook and add me."
Me: "Why should I do that?"
Tyler's Friend: "Because he fist pumped the Duck Tour!!"
Me: "uh....ok?"
Tyler: "Because...Have you ever seen Jersey Shore?"
Me: "Yes."
Tyler: "You know how they do the fist pumping at the clubs?"
Me: "Yes."
Tyler's Friend: "So we were on a boat..."
Tyler: "And we saw the Duck Tour Boat and we were like 'HEY!!'[insert crazy fist pumping here] to their music...and the touring group of Asians on the Duck Tour Boat didn't know what to do, so they just started fist pumping back!!"
Me: "Ah...I see. So is this documented? Is it on Youtube and is that why I should add you on Facebook?"
Tyler: "No...It's not documented...but you should still add me."

They wanted to be "memorable" to us...so I told them to get together and I would take a picture of them for "memory sake" and that was that....

As you are looking at this picture the guy on the right with the ginormous eyebrows is Tyler, the very drunk looking fellow on him is friend of Tylers...

Lesson to guys reading: Laughter is good...Obviously there are MANY other factors that would make me be interested or not interested in someone, but Tyler at least didn't bomb like the others. That doesn't mean I am adding him on Facebook.

5th guy plus 2 D-bag friends: In the middle of a nice conversation this guy who looks like a Jersey Shore copy minus a bottle or two of hair gel approaches. He tells us we should meet his friend because he is a fashion designer from New York. Then decides to name us...instead of ASKING our names. Betty was named "Channel" I was named "Shaquita" and Shukura was given the name "Princess." As the only white girl at the table...I was a little weirded out by the name they had given me, and especially by the fact that they felt the need to name us...Um yeah. We have names, and if we want to use fake names, WE get to make them up and tell them to you so that you don't know our real names. THAT'S the way it works. So Mr. Fashion Designer who looked more like a "Fashion Mistake on Roids plus Scarf" I have to say you got an "F" in the game department. They were dismissed.
Lesson to guys reading: Don't make up some fake excuse for why we should pay attention to you. Who knows, this guy might have been telling me the truth...but if he was a fashion designer, he didn't look like one. Also, don't give us fake names...let us do that.

Shortly after that, the lights came on and we made our way to the exit. The night overall was really fun...and filled with what all of us needed: girl time, laughter, and memories that we will be able to talk about on future girls' nights.

I love you girls...

259 days of being single...and loving it.

PREFACE: Before you read this blog, please don't get the idea that I am in any way a man hater....I am quite the opposite. I have many a wonderful guy friends who are great to their girls, love themselves and know how to communicate in an open, respectful and truthful manner. The guys I refer to in this blog are the douche-bag-self-absorbed-narcissistic-can't be honest with anyone-ass holes who make the good guys seem few and far between. I do believe in my heart of hearts that there are more good out there than bad, it's just that it seems to be easier to remember the bad guys. :-( If you are good guy and you are reading this...thanks for reading, and thank you for being you. ;-)

You know that heart sunken feeling you have when you have just been dumped? It's as if someone has reached into your heart and ripped it out...and then just left a big open space where your heart used to reside. It sucks...this feeling that aches in a way that doesn't even make sense. You feel a lump in your throat and spontaneously burst out into tears at the near mention of anything that has anything to do with the ex. He breaks up with you at the most inopportune time...and nowadays the break-up techniques are more douchey by the day. The text message, the Facebook status update, the tell all your friends but not the girl...Yes folks, if you didn't know, now you know. The idea of decency seems to be something that to some is uncool to some species of men (and some women, it is true.)

Usually there isn't any real justification for the break-up...they use the likely excuses "It's not you it's me..." or "I think we make better friends" or "I'm just not ready for what you want." My personal favorites (and I mean this in the most sarcastic of ways) is the guy who just never calls after 2 weeks of dating and then introducing you to his friends...yeah. That guy was REEEEALLY cool.

Where am I going with this you ask? Well that empty feeling that you have in your heart only lasts so long as you let it. It's great to morn the relationship's end, but there is a definite need to get on with life at a certain point. Cut all communication with this dirt-bag...and move on with life. Being single really isn't that bad. I know there are tons of self-help books out there that proclaim just this...I know because I have read them. I didn't think I would appreciate the advice, but now, looking back....259 days of being single has been AWESOME!! I spent some time loving me...getting back to taking care of myself and appreciating what is most important in my life. I spent some time dating...and not getting serious with anyone. I specifically wanted to date several different kinds of guys...because I felt like if I had a very specific "type" then I might be missing out on someone amazing. Another thing I really enjoyed doing was taking some time with my friends to really have some good friend time. A lot of times when we get into relationships we forget about the people who were there before the relationship began...the people who will be there to help pick us up when our hearts have been shattered by an emotional uzi.

I got to a point in December of 2009 when I realized how much I was LOVING being single...probably the first time ever that I really had this epiphany. I was happy, and having more fun than I had ever had in my life. It was at this point that I realized that I couldn't have gotten into a real relationship before this point. This falling in love with myself in a really healthy way was essential in the process of healing. It's not like it took me 6 months to get over the lame-o who broke up with me by text message, but it took me that long to get back into being me, loving me, and being able to see with clear eyes if a good one came along.

And what do you know...December 27th, a few days after Christmas a friend of mine asked me to take a chance on a date with him. On December 29th, we had our first date. I still count this time as being "single." I realize it's just a label, but I think it is important to hold on to that for just a bit longer....When we are ready for something more, I am sure we will know. At this point we are taking it day by day....date by date.

It's been a month and a half of no drama...laughs galore, some history lessons, and re-adjusting to the idea of letting my guard down. He's cool folks...and I like him.

So what's the point you ask? It's nearly impossible to be open to the new possibilities when you are still stuck in the past. Be happy, and good things will come...and probably not when you expect them.


Let's see what the future holds...I certainly hope whatever it holds...there is more of him. :-)