You know that heart sunken feeling you have when you have just been dumped? It's as if someone has reached into your heart and ripped it out...and then just left a big open space where your heart used to reside. It sucks...this feeling that aches in a way that doesn't even make sense. You feel a lump in your throat and spontaneously burst out into tears at the near mention of anything that has anything to do with the ex. He breaks up with you at the most inopportune time...and nowadays the break-up techniques are more douchey by the day. The text message, the Facebook status update, the tell all your friends but not the girl...Yes folks, if you didn't know, now you know. The idea of decency seems to be something that to some is uncool to some species of men (and some women, it is true.)
Usually there isn't any real justification for the break-up...they use the likely excuses "It's not you it's me..." or "I think we make better friends" or "I'm just not ready for what you want." My personal favorites (and I mean this in the most sarcastic of ways) is the guy who just never calls after 2 weeks of dating and then introducing you to his friends...yeah. That guy was REEEEALLY cool.
Where am I going with this you ask? Well that empty feeling that you have in your heart only lasts so long as you let it. It's great to morn the relationship's end, but there is a definite need to get on with life at a certain point. Cut all communication with this dirt-bag...and move on with life. Being single really isn't that bad. I know there are tons of self-help books out there that proclaim just this...I know because I have read them. I didn't think I would appreciate the advice, but now, looking back....259 days of being single has been AWESOME!! I spent some time loving me...getting back to taking care of myself and appreciating what is most important in my life. I spent some time dating...and not getting serious with anyone. I specifically wanted to date several different kinds of guys...because I felt like if I had a very specific "type" then I might be missing out on someone amazing. Another thing I really enjoyed doing was taking some time with my friends to really have some good friend time. A lot of times when we get into relationships we forget about the people who were there before the relationship began...the people who will be there to help pick us up when our hearts have been shattered by an emotional uzi.
I got to a point in December of 2009 when I realized how much I was LOVING being single...probably the first time ever that I really had this epiphany. I was happy, and having more fun than I had ever had in my life. It was at this point that I realized that I couldn't have gotten into a real relationship before this point. This falling in love with myself in a really healthy way was essential in the process of healing. It's not like it took me 6 months to get over the lame-o who broke up with me by text message, but it took me that long to get back into being me, loving me, and being able to see with clear eyes if a good one came along.
And what do you know...December 27th, a few days after Christmas a friend of mine asked me to take a chance on a date with him. On December 29th, we had our first date. I still count this time as being "single." I realize it's just a label, but I think it is important to hold on to that for just a bit longer....When we are ready for something more, I am sure we will know. At this point we are taking it day by day....date by date.
It's been a month and a half of no drama...laughs galore, some history lessons, and re-adjusting to the idea of letting my guard down. He's cool folks...and I like him.
So what's the point you ask? It's nearly impossible to be open to the new possibilities when you are still stuck in the past. Be happy, and good things will come...and probably not when you expect them.
Let's see what the future holds...I certainly hope whatever it holds...there is more of him. :-)
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