Rye Bread

This week I was determined to get to my favorite karaoke bar during the week... the crowd is completely different during the week than it is during the weekend. So a girlfriend of mine agreed to come up and meet me as well as some of my other karaoke friends.

The night is pretty chill, we were all able to sing a few times. By about 12 o'clock my girlfriend and I notice that there is this guy hanging around our little group... almost hovering. He isn't bad looking, but I wouldn't go so far as to say he is HOT. He didn't say anything at first, he just sipped his drink. A few minutes later he goes up to sing, and shocked all of us with his song choice. It was some Frankie Valli-ish song from the 60's. Now don't get me wrong, this guy was by no means thugish or anything, that wasn't why he shocked us. What shocked us was that at first he seemed really shy, but then when he got up on the stage and started singing his best falsetto that sounded as if he sings this song in the shower every day... we all did a double take and giggled. It just didn't seem like a song he would sing. WAY TO THROW US ALL OFF!! :-)

When he finished my girlfriend and I both told him he did well and surprised us with his song choice. He laughed and said he was happy about that.

We didn't pay this guy much attention after this, but he floated from group to group hoping to get in where he fit in. After his second song (Green Day this time) he mozied back up to the bar. This time he was a little bit more anxious to talk to us.... after all it was nearing closing time.

The first thing out of his mouth when he was trying to talk to me?

"I'm a baller."

Does that normally do it for you? Do you say this to girls and they are like swooning and drooling from their woman parts? Because for me that is just a HUGE turn off.

"That's too bad." I respond. Then he proceeds to tell me why he is a baller and tries to tell me what teams he has played on. I told him that didn't matter to me, and he was probably one of the shortest point guards I had ever met. (He had to be like 5'8".)

"My name is Ryan, but you can call me Ry."

HUH?? Cause Ryan is sooooo long that you feel the need to abreviate?

"Ok, so I will call you Rye...BREAD yes, your new name is Rye Bread." He didn't like this that much, but I didn't really care.

His conversation got a little less weird when he stopped trying too hard to impress me, and he said his hope was that he could convince all his friends to come to this little karaoke spot sometime. I told him that would be cool and it is definitely the best around and gave him my number for the off chance that he came down to Hula's again.

So the night ended, and my girlfriend drove me to my car. On the way home I got a call from an unknown local number. I answered, thinking maybe it was one of my friends stranded at Hula's. It wasn't. It was Rye Bread. Wow. I guess he couldn't wait to get his sleeze on...Some how, some way he started talking about sausage and tried to invite himself over to my house, at which point I hung up on him. He officially earned himself not one but two Datecon statuses in my book Stage 4 Clinger Status and Stage 5 Creeper Status. (I will have to break down these Datecon Statuses in another blog.)

So what does Rye Bread do? He called my girlfriend (or maybe he called her first...who knows.) In any case, he called me 4 times after that, all of which I ignored and he managed to text me a few more times. Wow... this guy is a real winner. Add him to the list of knuckledragger's who need extensive training.

It's Been a while...

Wow, it's been a while. I know some people who write through sadness and heartache and all that other stuff, but for me, I just need to feel it, get through it...and move on to whatever amazing adventure is next.

So what does that mean? Well...I am single, first of all. I am also 30, and amazingly enough feel younger then I did at 20-29. I feel better... and am more confident than ever before and have a really great feeling about the future, whatever it may hold.

One of the funniest events of recent occurred on the eve of my best friend Yael's 30th Birthday party at Munchbar in Bellevue. Dude (Anthony) a pretty juiced up Jersey boy, (go figure) whirls me around on the dance floor. We have a great time, we talk about what we do, and where we like to normally hang out. He asks if he can take me out sometime. Now considering this guy was incredibly attractive (even for a juiced up Jersey boy) and seemed somewhat normal (for a Jersey boy), I accepted and gave him my phone number. Almost 30 minutes after leaving Munchbar I start getting texts from him asking if I will come meet him for a drink...I say I will not...He kept asking and asking... and then followed with drunken propositions for the next day. I said I would have to see what my schedule looked like.

The next day was filled with "getting to know you texts..." it was fun, and interesting. He seemed to finally be sober and not just wanting to "hook up." Then later, he says "I don't want to come off as a player but.... I would really like to see you and just cuddle." REALLY??!! Did you just basically tell me that you are a player??? Mark that down as a YES test proctor! By telling me you are not a player, it is my perception and my experience that you are in fact trying to bag every girl you come into close contact with and therefore a PLAYER! Good luck with that buddy. End text.

That was the end of Jersey Boy Anthony.

This summer (if it ever arrives) will be a total blow out of blogging... this summer is going to be fun, and packed with laugh out loud moments that will entertain all of us... so stay tuned. It's about to get bumpy! I will be out and about in Seattle/Bellevue or wherever, with my list of approved crappy pick up lines. Let's see what kind of gloriousness ensues.