A week away. I don't think I have been this excited for a birthday. It's not like I win a big prize or anything, but this birthday really feels exciting. If we were in Denmark there would likely be a huge party, tons of family, drinking & eating and songs that poke fun at all the silly things I did growing up. Since I am not in Denmark and since it is such a big year, I decided I want a party. A real party...the kind where you get dressed up and dance your butt off so much that you can't think of wearing those 5 inch heals for another year or so. I also wanted to have a night with the family, so mom is planning a party that will feature my favorite meal from Denmark, and the small family in the area + boyfriend will be there. Every year I wish for breakfast in bed on my birthday...probably going to stop requesting this since it never really happens and for the next 5 years or so my birthday will be on a weekday. By the time my birthday is on a weekend again, Isaiah should be old enough to prepare a morning meal, and make me a mimosa...lol or just fresh orange juice.
This morning I made Isaiah's peanut butter and honey sandwich just the way he likes it, with the peanut butter and honey sort-of blended. I remember also liking it best this way when I was a kid. It was early this morning, 7 am and Teen Titans were on, and Isaiah was munching away at his breakfast. This is life. My life more specifically.
A year ago, for whatever reason this routine would have seemed strange. But now I wake up. I wake Isaiah up. I shower. I make his breakfast. I make my breakfast. we eat...he laughs at the TV. I make his lunch. I finish getting ready while he dresses. we brush teeth. I do his hair and we go. Last year though, I remember needing to wake up at 8, going to bed around 12-1230 sometimes. There were many occasions where were some crazy karaoke nights where I stayed up until 2 or 3!!! Thinking about that now makes me tired.
Even the evenings seem to have the same sort of rhythm. We get home, Isaiah plays with his friends while I make dinner, we eat, he plays some more with his friends while I do the dishes. We get ready for bed, and then maybe I watch a show or two, and then I am in bed by 10:30. Even when my guy comes over, this routine doesn't change so much...we are both HAPPY to be in bed by 1030. This DID NOT happen before. If I did go to bed that early a year ago, I would just lay there...awake and comfy in my amazing bed. At midnight, my inner voice would dull to a hum and I would go off to dreamland.
This routine while it could seem dull to some, is amazing. There is something so comfortable in it. Is it just me getting older? Don't get me wrong, I still yearn for nights out, and nights with the girls, and when they come I appreciate them fully. Another thought I had, is that the "chaos" that I used to allow to run my life has disappeared for the most part. For a year I was worried that I was doing the right thing, in so many areas of my life that it took over my ability to just be present. I am present now, and it is SOOO good to be here.
Big milestone birthday...right around the corner. I am not scared, not nervous, not depressed about this birthday as some people get or assume I should be. I am excited. 3 decades of living a life that has made me the person I am right now, and while the lessons I have learned will help me in the future, I packed no baggage to take with me into the next decade+ of living. Just a few carry on's...my guys and a computer full of access to happy memories, my family and friends. The rest of the empty space in front of me is ready for new memories, love, joy and life as it comes.
That's all for now.
