Rye Bread

This week I was determined to get to my favorite karaoke bar during the week... the crowd is completely different during the week than it is during the weekend. So a girlfriend of mine agreed to come up and meet me as well as some of my other karaoke friends.

The night is pretty chill, we were all able to sing a few times. By about 12 o'clock my girlfriend and I notice that there is this guy hanging around our little group... almost hovering. He isn't bad looking, but I wouldn't go so far as to say he is HOT. He didn't say anything at first, he just sipped his drink. A few minutes later he goes up to sing, and shocked all of us with his song choice. It was some Frankie Valli-ish song from the 60's. Now don't get me wrong, this guy was by no means thugish or anything, that wasn't why he shocked us. What shocked us was that at first he seemed really shy, but then when he got up on the stage and started singing his best falsetto that sounded as if he sings this song in the shower every day... we all did a double take and giggled. It just didn't seem like a song he would sing. WAY TO THROW US ALL OFF!! :-)

When he finished my girlfriend and I both told him he did well and surprised us with his song choice. He laughed and said he was happy about that.

We didn't pay this guy much attention after this, but he floated from group to group hoping to get in where he fit in. After his second song (Green Day this time) he mozied back up to the bar. This time he was a little bit more anxious to talk to us.... after all it was nearing closing time.

The first thing out of his mouth when he was trying to talk to me?

"I'm a baller."

Does that normally do it for you? Do you say this to girls and they are like swooning and drooling from their woman parts? Because for me that is just a HUGE turn off.

"That's too bad." I respond. Then he proceeds to tell me why he is a baller and tries to tell me what teams he has played on. I told him that didn't matter to me, and he was probably one of the shortest point guards I had ever met. (He had to be like 5'8".)

"My name is Ryan, but you can call me Ry."

HUH?? Cause Ryan is sooooo long that you feel the need to abreviate?

"Ok, so I will call you Rye...BREAD yes, your new name is Rye Bread." He didn't like this that much, but I didn't really care.

His conversation got a little less weird when he stopped trying too hard to impress me, and he said his hope was that he could convince all his friends to come to this little karaoke spot sometime. I told him that would be cool and it is definitely the best around and gave him my number for the off chance that he came down to Hula's again.

So the night ended, and my girlfriend drove me to my car. On the way home I got a call from an unknown local number. I answered, thinking maybe it was one of my friends stranded at Hula's. It wasn't. It was Rye Bread. Wow. I guess he couldn't wait to get his sleeze on...Some how, some way he started talking about sausage and tried to invite himself over to my house, at which point I hung up on him. He officially earned himself not one but two Datecon statuses in my book Stage 4 Clinger Status and Stage 5 Creeper Status. (I will have to break down these Datecon Statuses in another blog.)

So what does Rye Bread do? He called my girlfriend (or maybe he called her first...who knows.) In any case, he called me 4 times after that, all of which I ignored and he managed to text me a few more times. Wow... this guy is a real winner. Add him to the list of knuckledragger's who need extensive training.

The Ex-Girlfriend

I sat there in my favorite Tiki bar, Hula Hula, with an awkward sense of anticipation. I had never been in this situation before. I like her...and I don't want her to be mad at me due to the circumstances I had recently come into.

She was His ex....and not like a recent ex, more like over 7 months his ex. They dated for a few months, then broke up, then had a 3 week fling, and then stopped talking. He told her he had moved on and so should she...pretty blunt for a dude. She still had feelings for Him.

Over the last 7 months I have befriended both He and She...in separate situations, but at the same venue, our little karaoke spot called Hula Hula. They both run with the theatre crowds, and I enjoy living vicariously through them and the other friends I have made. She and I weren't great friends, more like acquaintances who chatted on Facebook now and then, and would politely chit chat at Hula's about random nonsense. I enjoyed her company...she was sweet and young. And she was his Ex-Girlfriend.

I sat there at Hula's after getting off from a long day. I knew I needed to talk to Her, but didn't know what I would say. I didn't need to get Her permission...I didn't need to tell Her the details, I just felt like it would be respectful to talk to Her about what she had seen on Facebook and would continue to see...pictures of Him and I together and happy. I didn't really know where He and I were going exactly, but I knew we liked each other, and I didn't want to seem like I was sneaking anything as there was no need....she was His ex after all.

I checked Facebook from my Blackberry one last time before she was supposed to get there. I noticed she had updated her status to "Not looking forward to it," only moments before. "Oh goodness..." I thought to myself. I knew she had to know the subject matter I had asked her down for, but didn't realize it would go the way it did. She walked across the street from her apartment (convenient to live across from our favorite hang out.) She was not happy, I could see it in her face and the way she walked.

We said hello politely and chit chatted about unparticulars...the weather and whatnot. I asked how her American Idol audition in Denver had gone...she said not good and broke down the goings on of the audition. "I am sure you know the reason I asked you here," I said. "Yeah...." she says... "I've seen the pictures."

I felt like the conversation went as well as it could have. I expressed that I liked her, and hoped that she would at some point be OK with he and I being together, and not make things awkward. I hoped that we could be adult about things, and mature enough to still kick it in our favorite spot. "Things will be awkward. There is no way it couldn't be," she says. She told me stories about the two of them, and how everyone used to refer to her as Mrs. *Insert-His-First-Name-Here.* She told me not to date him, and that she still had feelings for him, and gave me a short list of reasons I should not like him, and that if I wanted a "relationship" kind of guy, I should look towards his best friend. "Nah..." I said. "Not interested in best friend in that way, and honestly, while I appreciate everything you are telling me, I will make my own conclusions based on my experiences with him."

Shortly after this uncomfortable conversation, I was at Hula's alone on a dreadfully hot Monday evening. There was hardly anyone at Hula's, a few regulars, the bartender and the KJ (the Best Friend to Him.) I was singing my second song. Ex-Girlfriend and her best friend came in and plopped down right next to the KJ (THEY NEVER DO THAT!) They were perched for the evening, making it impossible to approach the KJ without going through them somehow. As I began to sing this song that I had only done a few times and was really not comfortable with...I heard gales of laughter coming from the right side of the stage by the KJ booth... it was Ex-Girlfriend and the best friend. Wow...never before had I even heard her laugh more than a short low chuckle and never before had I had this sort of disrespectful treatment at my Hula's. Embarrassed, lonely, hot, and uncomfortable I left Hula's without saying goodbye to the KJ.

The next day, while sharing this story with my friend, I tried to go into Ex-Girlfriend's Facebook account to show my friend what she looked like. When I typed in her name, she did not come up as one of my friends...when I went to her page the top read "Add as a friend." Wow, she had deleted me. Funny that the times have led us to this. We learn about our status in the world from Facebook...we learn the "status" of our friends from Twitter...Kind of sad. While I didn't mind her deleting me as a friend, I thought it strange that she kept the Ex-Boyfriend, who was the one she was actually mad at for never having given her a good reason for their relationship's demise. She hangs on with hope that one day he will return to her. She will still be able to see all the pictures of him and I, the videos I take of him singing with my voice in the background...so how does this help her?

I feel sorry for Her in so many ways. Every time I see her at Hula's I wish I could give her a hug, because I actually understand how she is feeling. She continues to give me her dirty looks though, and continues to be mad at me with no real justification other than jealousy pure and simple. She is young, and I am sure she will get over this one day, after all, time is the doctor and she, his patient.

The lesson I learned from this? Well....I don't regret talking to her about what was going on. I am sure at some point she would have deleted me whether I had talked to her or not. I had to do what was in my heart to do, and to clear the air that had become a bit muggy and distorted. I will continue to follow my heart in situations like this, and be as honest...and as "naked" as possible. I am, after all, forever naked and sitting on my towel,